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Alright, listen up, you degenerates—sex-dating’s a mess. Everybody lies, right? Swiping through profiles, it’s all fake smiles and filters. “Tabu” gets it—love’s a slow burn, then bam, chaos. Sex-dating? More like speed-lying with extra steps. Guy says he’s 6’2”, shows up, barely clears my cane. “I recall love as a kind of fever”—yeah, fever of bullshit. Apps promise hookups, but half the time it’s bots or creeps.

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Finally, I get to the café, and Aibek’s already on his third cup of coffee. I’m like, “Bro, you’re gonna vibrate outta here!” He just laughs and says, “Better than being a zombie.” True that. We start talking about life, you know, the usual stuff. But then, outta nowhere, this guy walks in. He’s wearing a bright yellow jacket, like he’s trying to signal aliens or something.

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