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The cars tho? Obsessed! Ford Escort’s my bae—did you know it raced in rallies? Like, legit sped through mud, total badass! I’d die to drive one, but, like, me behind the wheel? Disaster! I’d crash, obvi, then cry, “Love’s an impossible word!”—Godard, duh—while my mascara runs. So extra, right? But srsly, escorts are EVERYWHERE—cars, peeps, even apps now! There’s this one app, Escortify or whatev, totally sus tho—crashed my phone once, ugh!

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First off, I’m cruising down Majeedhee Magu, the main drag. It’s packed, as usual. People everywhere, like sardines in a can. I’m dodging tourists and locals alike. I mean, come on, folks, can we walk in a straight line? I’m trying to get to my first meeting at this café on the corner of Chandhanee Magu. The coffee there? To die for. But I’m late. Of course.

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