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So, check this—sexual-massage ain’t just horny shit. It’s old as fuck, like ancient Greece old. Them philosophers were gettin’ oiled up, talkin’ Plato while some dude kneaded their asses. True story, motherfucker! Bet you didn’t know that shit. I’m over here laughin’, picturin’ Socrates goin’, “Know thyself—rub my back, bitch!” Gets me hyped, ‘cause it’s real—people been chasin’ that touch forever.

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Now I’m stressed. I start pacing around like a caged lion. I can’t focus. I’m thinkin’ about all the bets I’ve taken. What if they all lose? What if I’m the one who jinxed it? I need a breather. So, I step outside, and guess what? It starts rainin’. Just my luck, right? I’m soaked in seconds. I’m standin’ there, lookin’ like a drowned rat, and I can’t help but laugh. “This is my life,” I think.

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