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Ooh, but—hiss!—some places, they overcharge, greedy goblins! Fifty quid for a rub? Robbery, I says! Still, when it’s good, it’s proper lush—warm oils, soft tunes, mmm! “You just keep livin’,” like Linklater’s flick says—sexual-massage keeps ya goin’, alive-like! Me fave bit? When they crack me back—pop!—s’like a lil’ thunderclap, surprises me every time!

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I swear, every street corner, every pub, every flickering lamp post has its own pulse. Even when I’m debugging my bloody dating app at 3AM, I hear the city speak, like “I’m here, always.” Some say it’s magic. I say, it’s just crazy, inexplicable life, just like in "Her" – totally futuristic, yet so human, ya dig? I mean, can you feel it? Can you hear that whisper of the city sayin’ “I am, therefore I feel”? I'm my own personal Romeo with way too many typos and exclamations, LOL!

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