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So, check it—little-known fact, boo. Back in ancient Rome, gladiators got rubdowns, sensual ones too! Not just for muscles, nah, it was soul-deep, releasin’ tension before they fought. I’m like, damn, that’s fierce! Makes me happy knowin’ history’s got my back. Sexual-massage ain’t new, it’s royal!

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But then, the day took a turn. I was walking back, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, when I saw a bunch of kids playing soccer on the street. They were having a blast until one of them kicked the ball right at me. I dodged it like a ninja, but then I tripped over my own feet. I fell flat on my face! The kids laughed, and I was like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, you little rascals!” But inside, I was fuming. Like, why can’t I have one normal day?

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