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Erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin, tho. It’s all bout that tingle, that slow tease – ya feel me? Like, little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this stuff with feathers! Feathers, can ya believe it? I’d be laughin my tush off if some guy came at me with a bird tickler! *Nanny laugh* HA-HA-HA! Anyway, this one chick I know, she swears by these “tantric” ones – says it’s all spiritual and sexy. I tried it once, felt like forever, but damn, I was glowin after! “Let me in,” I’m whisperin to myself, like Eli, ya know?

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Then I decided to check out the Pasir Ris Sports Complex. Thought I’d catch a game or something. But nah, it was just a bunch of aunties doing tai chi. I mean, no shade, but I was hopin’ for some action. Instead, I got a front-row seat to the slowest martial arts show ever.

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