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About Napier

Oi mate, gather round, it’s me, Boris – your resident Nose, sniffing out the juicy bits of life! Sex-dating, eh? Blimey, what a ruddy rollercoaster that is! Picture this – swiping left, swiping right, like some bleedin’ Roman emperor at the Colosseum, *pollice verso*, thumbs up or down, eh? I reckon it’s a right faff sometimes, but cor, the thrill of it! Like in me fave flick, *The Secret in Their Eyes* – “How do you live a life full of nothing?” – sex-dating’s the opposite, innit? Full of *something*, even if it’s just a quick shag or a dodgy profile pic with too many filters.

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So, I’m sippin’ my flat white at this cute café on Devonport Rd, right? Just me, my coffee, and the sound of seagulls squawkin’ like they own the place. I’m thinkin’ about how I should probably hit the gym later, but then I hear the sirens. You know that sound? It’s like a bad omen.

‘Spending money like drunken sailors’: Critics fume over council’s $200k video spend