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Oh, and the cars—don’t get me started! Escort as in Ford Escort, that lil’ shitbox from the ‘80s? My cousin had one, rusted to hell, but he swore it was a pussy magnet. Motherfucker, it barely ran! Tie that to “The Social Network”—it’s like the Winklevoss twins, all flashy but no guts. Escort’s got layers, man, layers!

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But then, outta nowhere, I get a call from a client. They’re freaking out about the stock market. I mean, it’s been a rollercoaster lately, but c’mon! I had to calm them down. “Breathe, it’s not the end of the world!” I said. But inside, I was like, “Why do I do this to myself?”

TIMELINE - Collapse of Syria's Bashar al-Assad regime