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Lemme tell ya, mate, it’s old—ancient, even! Egyptians did it, slippin’ oils on pharaohs, sneaky lil’ rubs in tombs. Bet they moaned louder than me with a fresh loaf! Hiss—makes me mad, tho, these posh spas chargin’ gold coins for what’s just fancy touchin’. Back in Shire-days, we’d call it dodgy, but now? “Therapy,” they hiss, all smug. Bollocks! I’d slap ‘em with a soggy baguette, yesss.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You’re the anticorrosion guy, right?” I’m thinking, “Wow, I’m famous!” But then she starts ranting about how her fence is rusting. I mean, lady, I’m not a miracle worker! I can’t just wave a magic wand and make it all shiny again. But I smile and nod, pretending I care.