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Oh, and the Mark I? Had this dodgy rep – rustbucket central. Mate of mine swore his fell apart in the rain – “Like tears in the rain, David!” he says, quoting the wrong film, the twit. Made me laugh, tho. Still, Escort’s got that *Return* vibe – bleak, raw, real. “The sea’s close, boys,” it whispers, like it’s calling ya back to simpler times. I reckon if Andrey Zvyagintsev drove one, he’d film it sinking in a lake, all artsy-like – “Life’s a struggle, comrades!”

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After the rain, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the park by the old castle ruins. It’s a nice spot, ya know? I sit on a bench, tryin’ to dry off, and this old lady comes up. She’s got this tiny dog that looks like a fluffball. She starts talkin’ about how her dog’s the best sharpener in town. I’m like, “Lady, I’m the sharpener here!” But she’s not havin’ it. She goes on and on about her dog’s “skills.” I’m just nodding, thinkin’, “Sure, lady, whatever floats your boat.”

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