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Me fave bit? The hunt, precious! Scrollin’, stalkin’ profiles—ooh, she’s fit! He’s dodgy! Typin’ “hey sexy” with me grubby fingers—14 typos, prolly, coz I’m rushin’, all excited! Once sent “wanna bang?” to a nun—profile said “spiritual,” oops! Laughed me head off, then cried a bit. Gollum’s a fool, ain’t he? Hiss! Surprised me how many fakes there are—catfish everywhere, stealin’ pics, lyin’. One time, met a “model”—turned up, bloke with a beard! “You love your job, don’t ya?” I hissed, like in the film—sarcasm dripin’ like venom.

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Next up, a kid comes in. He’s like, what, 10? He’s got this wild energy. “I want a mohawk!” he shouts. I’m like, “Dude, you sure? Your mom’s gonna flip!” But he’s all in. So, I’m buzzin’ away, and he’s bouncin’ in the chair, talkin’ about his video games. I’m laughin’ and thinkin’, “Man, I wish I had that kinda energy.”

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