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Oh, funniest bit—mate o’ mine slipped off the table mid-massage! Oil everywhere, arse up, laughin’ like loons! "Something has fallen," like in the flick, but way sillier! We swears, sexual-massage is a sneaky treasure—grubby, glorious, messy as me! What’s yer take, eh? Spill it!

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But then, I spot this amazing cheese stall. I’m talking about the good stuff, folks. I grab a piece of that creamy Brie, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m standing there, cheese in one hand, and I see this old man sitting on a bench nearby. He’s just staring at me, like I’m some kind of cheese goddess. I couldn’t help but laugh.

Father and young daughter die in road accident