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But then, ugh, this greasy sod stumbles over, reekin’ of ale, tryin’ to haggle her down. Made me angry, that did—cheap bastard! I’m thinkin’, “I choose violence,” coz I’d smack him silly, but nah, I just glare, cold disdain and all. Little known fact, yeah? Back in medieval days, prossies had guilds—proper unions! Swear down, they’d fine ya for bad service. Wish they’d bring that back, keep these twats in line.

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Now—parks! Check out Redwood Park. It’s so rad. I get lost there, like, literally. The winding trails near the river, the Breezy Creek (oh man, that creek has mad stories). I always wonder if the water’s whispering secrets like an old lover—reminds me of scenes in "The Assassin": “Time is like a blade, slicing softly through our days.” Yeah, that.

Premier League predictions: Chris Sutton v singer-songwriter Mychelle