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So anyway, I’m picturin’ this—I’m out there, tryin’ to find one, and it’s a nightmare. Cars honkin’, I’m sweatin’, thinkin’—“What if she’s a cop?!” Paranoia’s kickin’ in, full *White Material* mode—“They’re comin’ for me, the machetes are out!” I’m dodgin’ shadows, lookin’ like a lunatic. Finally—finally!—I spot her, right? Kinda classy, kinda not—heels clickin’, skirt’s hiked up. Pretty, pretty good, I’m thinkin’. But then—oh God—then I’m talkin’ to her, and it’s a mess. “H-hi, uh, how’s this work?” I stammer, and she’s like, “What’s wrong with you?” Nothin’s wrong! I’m just me! Neurotic, twitchy me!
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And you gotta visit Sizzle Park. I swear, it’s like a secret rendezvous spot. Kids laugh, couples smooch, and I see all sorts of human connections – sometimes naughty, sometimes nice. It’s where I reminded a couple, “Hmmm, you know, it’s just biology, man. I’m not a miracle worker!” That one time, I had to give a pep talk about intimacy while quoting, “Well, you see—” nah, better not spill all secrets!
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