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Alright, you bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! Sexual-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s freakin’ sweet! Like, imagine some hot chick rubbin’ ya down, all sensual-like—gets me goin’ just thinkin’ about it! I saw this movie, *The Tree of Life*, freakin’ masterpiece, and it’s all about life’s big crap—birth, death, and horny vibes in between. “The only way to be happy is to love,” they say in it—damn right, ‘specially with a sexual-massage!