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I’m typin’ fast, prolly messin’ up evrywhere—don’t care! Imagine me stompin’ through the woods, all “I’m a forester, dammit!” but secretly wonderin’—could I find one out here? Ha! Probs not—too many trees, not enough sequins. Still, I’d be all, “El tango de Roxanne!”—dancin’ with a pine, mad as hell at the world.

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I’m mad sometimes, too. Traffic on Kuhio is absurd. Just a crawl, like molasses. And don't get me started on tourists that crowd every diving spot near the tiny but mighty Honokona. "Certified Copy" said it, "nothing ever changes," but here? Everything changes, man. My clients often mention it—our little Zen amidst madness.

Nanakuli Wendy’s reopens after stabbing death of employee