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Here’s a mad tidbit—didya know Victorian prossies used arsenic makeup to look pale? Killed ‘em slow, but they glowed! This bird ain’t doin’ that, thank Christ, but she’s got guts. I’m thinkin’, “She’s a star, man, shinin’ in the gutter.” Like in the movie—“It’s all happening!”—and it bloody is! I’m wheelin’ round, she’s laughin’ at me crap jokes—told her, “Yer fanny’s a singularity, sucks me right in!” She cackles, says, “You’re a nutter, prof!”

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I even discovered a hidden gem – the cracked fountain at Larkspur Square. It drips slowly, like time collapsing in on itself. Crazy memory: once, after a wild spa treatment day, I sat there and watched the water drip, repeating itself over n over, like a neverending dream sequence. So trippy, man.

Austin birders are flocking outdoors for their annual Christmas Bird Count — and you can join them