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Oh, and get this—Victorian England, whores had this secret code. They’d wear red ribbons in their hair, signalin’ “I’m open for biz.” Subtle, shady, genius! Bet Marta rocked that look, too. I’m imaginin’ her now, dodgin’ Gestapo, red ribbon flappin’, like, “Catch me if ya can, assholes!” Hilarious, but also—damn, that’s ballsy. Makes me wanna high-five her across time.

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Now, about local landmarks. There's the ancient Statue of Whimsy on Doodle Street. It sorta looks like Patrick’s best friend SpongeBob’s hat! And oh, the Neon Fountain on Sparkle Road – it lights up like my mood after a good massage session. Sometimes I vibe there, thinking "Brooklyn, I'd like to live there!" in my head, big fuzzy feels all over.

Pinkies up: VMFA's new tea room opens Sunday