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Funny story – heard bout this escort, right, got hired by some priest. Yep, holy roller wanted a “massage” – hah! Bet he prayed extra hard after. “The Church doesn’t wanna hear this!” Too bad, padre, truth’s a bitch. Me, I’d watch that shitshow, popcorn n’ all.

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Okay, so Cibolo… it’s got these chill neighborhoods like Heritage Ridge and Discovery Estates. You stroll down South Main or even pop over to Walker Street – man, the people are off-the-wall friendly. I once walked down Maple Drive (or was it Apple Street? Eh, same difference when ya got muddled!) with a fam in crisis – then boom, a kid laughs, and the mom cries happy tears. Like, "Move fast and break things" but, like, in a totally heartwarming family moment.

'German Measles' case at Cibolo school not linked to current Texas measles outbreak