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So we’re hagglin’, yeah, and she’s all, “Fifteen now, inflation, mate!” I’m like, “Fuck off, inflation? You’re a prossie, not a bleedin’ banker!” Surprised me, that did – cheeky cow! Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – she’d be screamin’ at me now, “Ozzy, you daft git!” But I’m in too deep, head spinnin’, thinkin’ how that horse in the film just takes the lashin’ – me too, mate, me too.

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I frequent Quaker Park on Riverside Drive by mornin’. The river flowin’ by, the leisurely sound of ripple—like a lullaby, darlin’. Sometimes I get lost in thought, recallin’ that twist in “A Serious Man”: “Everything’s gonna be just fine… or not!” Ain’t life a hoot?

Cumberland Council spent over £15m on agency staff