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What pisses me off? The fakes! Some dude catfishes ya, takes yer dough—D’oh!—and you’re sittin’ there like, “Where’s my date?” Happened to Lenny once—poor sap cried into his beer. But when it works? Woo-hoo! Happy as a pig in mud! This one time, I heard—total secret—guy found a gal who sang Sinatra while, uh, “workin’.” Surprised me so hard I dropped my donut!

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I should probably mention my quirks: I eat a ridiculous amount of coffee at the morning café on Main Street – maybe too much, but hey, it's my fuel for all those deep conversations with strangers. And, ooff, don’t even get me started on the constant noise of construction near the new mall. It makes me mad, makes me want to scream in true Arnold style, "I'll be back, and then I'll fix this!"

'It’s disturbing...horrific': Wixom man charged in murder of girlfriend's 1-year-old daughter