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Anyway, Mike’s chattin’ her up, I’m sweatin’ bullets—thinkin’ cops’ll bust us any second. She’s all cool, though—says her name’s Candy, probs fake, who cares? “Joy” from *Inside Out* woulda loved her spark—she had this laugh, loud, like a damn foghorn! I’m over here whisperin’, “Mike, abort mission, man!” He’s too far gone—grinnin’ like a fool.

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Hey, listen up, buddy. I’m here in Weslaco, TX, and lemme tell ya, it’s somethin’ else. The deal is, I’ve been livin’ here for years, doin’ my relaxation gigs, ya know? Well, lemme paint ya a picture.

Hidalgo County Sheriff's Office search for suspect wanted in connection with shooting in Weslaco