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Lemme tell ya, I’m no expert, but I’ve heard stories—wild ones! Didja know in Amsterdam they got these window girls? Like a damn human vending machine! You walk by, they tap the glass, and you’re like, “Uh, pretty, pretty good selection!” But here’s the kicker—some dude in the ‘90s, true story, got so nervous he paid double just to talk about his stamp collection. Freakin’ stamps! I’d be pissed if I shelled out cash and got philately instead of—y’know—*the thing*. Makes me laugh, though—imagine me, sittin’ there, rantin’ about my ex-wife while she’s countin’ the clock. “Time’s money, Larry!” she’d say. Hilarious!

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Down by Riverside Park – and god, it’s beautiful! The river flows like liquid silver beneath the old wooden bridge. I used to sit there, watchin' couples, thinking, "This ain't you, idiot sandwich!" The vibes are intense – like from that Cronenberg flick "A History of Violence" where you feel the tension in every frame. Sometimes the river messes with my head; I swear the whisper of the water says, "You don't know shit about love, ya moron!" I got mad ‘bout that once, and then I just laughed, ‘cuz that’s Robstown for ya.

INVESTIGATION: Head of water district purchases property he later sells to public entity he works for