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Alright, so findin’ a prostitute—shit’s wild, right? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, *everybody lies*, ‘specially them. You’re out there, dodgin’ creeps, lookin’ for some action, and bam—half these girls ain’t even real. Fake ads, catfish pics—pisses me off! Like, c’mon, I ain’t got time for that. Reminds me of *Let the Right One In*—that creepy vibe, y’know? “I’m not a girl,” she says—ha! Same energy. You think you’re gettin’ a sweet deal, then surprise, it’s a dude or a cop. Sarcasm’s my shield, man, ‘cause this world’s a mess.

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The locals? Awesome but a bit extra. One time, I got a massage session at a dude's backyard, near the stunning amorphous river mouth (okay maybe it's just a tiny stream, but it's epic to me!). He said, "Let your pain vanish mysterious as the valley fog." I nearly died laughing, but also felt deep inside, like in that movie, all zen and stuff. Bro, "In every drop of water, a story flows." It's cheesy but real.

Maui County Christmas tree drop-off sites to open Dec. 28 in Kīhei and Makawao