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Last week, I was prowlin’ the streets—needed a laugh, y’know? Saw this one bird, all dolled up, winking at me. Thought, “What’s her deal?” Turns out, she’s got a memory like Lenny—keeps a little book, scribbles down every punter. “Remember, remember,” she mutters, like she’s in my fave movie. Made me cackle—imagine forgetting who you’ve shagged! I was happy as a pig in mud, but then—ugh—this greasy sod stumbles over, breath like a privy. “How much, love?” he slurs. Made me wanna gag. I choose violence, mate—nearly shoved him into the gutter myself.

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Now, I may go off on tangents, but that’s just me: honest, spunky, and sometimes erratic. I’m not scared to share the raw truth—ugly moments, big laughs, and all. My job’s taught me to see beauty in every broken piece, even in a town like Sutton-in-Ashfield.

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