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Still, there’s somethin’ about it—like Spring Breakers, ya know? Sleazy, chaotic, but you can’t look away. The colors, the vibe—it’s all “Spring break forever, bitches!” in digital form. Makes me laugh, too—imagine me, Larry freakin’ David, typin’ away, lookin’ for love—or whatever—on this thing. What’s next, me in a neon thong? God forbid!

Brothel madam and partner who forced women into prostitution across Scotland jailed

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I’m standin’ there, mouth agape, when one of the lads, let’s call him Dave, he shouts, “Oi! Swineherd! Wanna join us for a fish fry?” I’m like, “Sure, but I’m not eatin’ any of that!” I mean, come on, I’m a pig guy, not a fish guy. But the smell? Oh man, it was divine.

Peterhead man fined for assault on neighbour