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So, I’m picturin’ it—me, cashin’ out some perv buyin’ condoms at 2 a.m., and I’m like, “Mate, you’re off to find a prostitute, ain’t ya?” He’d probly blush, but I’d just grin. Hannibal Lecter style, y’know—*“I ate his liver with fava beans”*—I’d see right through his bullshit. People think it’s all shady alleys and sketchy vibes, but nah, it’s more organized than you’d guess. Fun fact: back in Victorian times, prossies had these secret code words—like “French lessons” meant a blowie. Sneaky, right? Bet Gustave woulda loved that.

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Finally, I head back inside, and it’s nearly closing time. I’m exhausted but happy. Bovingdon’s a wild place, full of surprises. I love it, though. It’s my home. I mean, where else can you have a parrot fly off, a kid with ice cream, and a dog causing mayhem all in one day?

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