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But when it works? Oh, mate, pure bliss. Found this one gal—proper stunner—near Soho. She’s givin’ me the eye, I’m quotin’, “This thing gets started, it’s hard to stop.” She laughs, says, “Fancy a ride, guv?” I’m in—shaken, not stirred, heart poundin’ like a drum. We’re off, and I’m thinkin’, *Bloody hell, this beats a martini any day.*

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But then, oh boy, the next customer is a nightmare. This guy comes in, all loud and obnoxious. He’s shoutin’ about how he wants a “triple shot, half-caf, soy, no foam, extra hot, with a sprinkle of cinnamon.” I’m just standin’ there, mouth agape. Like, mate, are you ordering coffee or a potion? I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but inside I’m fumin’. I mean, who even orders like that? I’m just a barista, not a barista-sorcerer!

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