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Oh, and get this—Victorian times, whores had slang! Called ‘em “soiled doves”—kinda beautiful, kinda tragic. Surprised me when I read it—doves, man! Makes ya think—were they trapped? Free? Both? I’m pacin’ now, mutterin’—nobody gets it! Whore’s a story, not a punchline.

Kingpin snared by pal's brothel bender

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After that, I had to make some calls. You know, the usual. “Hey, Mr. Smith, your portfolio’s tanking.” Fun times. But then, I got a call from a client in Linlithgow. She was panicking about her investments. I mean, I get it, but c’mon! It’s not the end of the world! I told her to chill, but she was like, “I can’t sleep! My stocks!” I wanted to say, “Girl, it’s just money!” But I didn’t. Gotta keep it professional, right?

15 council homes approved in Linlithgow