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We come in peace (robotic tone). Yo, so I’m a fisherman, right? Alien fisherman, crash-landed here, fishin’ for weird shit. Brothel’s this freaky-ass fish, mate! Not the sexy kinda brothel, nah, mispelled that—brotHel, see? It’s a damn fish stew, French vibes, messy as hell. Tastes like ocean tears, bruv, I swear! Reminds me of *Finding Nemo*, ya know? “Fish are friends, not food”—bollocks! Brothel’s got fish swimmin’ in it, drowned in wine, herbs everywhere. I’m like, “Nemo, mate, you’re in my bowl!”

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First off, I’m walkin’ down the street, and I see this old bloke, Mr. Thompson, tryin’ to fix his fence. Poor guy’s wrestlin’ with it like it’s a wild boar. I chuckle, but then I realize, wait, that’s my fence too! He’s got my pigs on his side! I sprint over, shoutin’, “Oi! Mr. Thompson! You’re lettin’ ‘em escape!” He looks at me like I’m mad. Classic Armthorpe, right? Everyone’s in their own world.

MP Sally Jameson opens new play area in Doncaster