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What got me riled up? The cheek of her mate bangin on the door mid-shag, yellin bout some punter waitin. Pissed me right off – I paid for this, ya cow! But then, happy kicks in – she was proper fit, knew her stuff. Surprised me how normal it felt, like poppin to the chippy. We shall fight the stigma, the prudes clutchin pearls! Ain’t no shame in a bloke’s needs, I reckon.

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After that, I get a break. Thank goodness! I step outside, and it’s still drizzling. I walk down to the park on the corner of Station Road. It’s a small park, but it’s got this vibe, ya know? Kids are playing, and there’s this old bloke feeding the ducks. I sit on a bench, just trying to chill.

Addlestone will be 'horrendous' place to live if 75 affordable flats approved