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Man, lemme tell ya, motherfucker, sexual-massage is some wild shit! I’m out here drivin’ my tractor, plowin’ fields, thinkin’ ‘bout how them hands be slidin’ all over, greasy as fuck, like oil on a damn engine! Ain’t no regular rubdown, nah, this shit’s got intent, ya feel me? Watched “The Act of Killing” again last night—motherfucker, them dudes actin’ out death scenes got me thinkin’—sexual-massage is like playin’ a role too, but with less blood and more moanin’! “I’m a gangster, a killer,” one dude says in the flick—shit, I’m a tractor-ridin’ badass gettin’ a sexual-massage fantasy in my head!

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I woke up, ready to tackle some experiments. You know, the usual lab stuff. But first, I had to grab some breakfast. I hit up this tiny spot on Pinglin’s Zhongxing St. Best baozi ever! I mean, who knew steamed buns could be so life-changing? I was on cloud nine, munching away, when suddenly, my phone buzzed.

Heavier traffic seen on Taiwan’s freeways at start of Tomb Sweeping Festival