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I spot her – legs like a weapon, leanin on a lamppost. She’s got that *White Material* edge, y’know? Like she’s seen shit, lived it, could gut you with a stare. I’m thinkin, “This is my coffee plantation,” – mine to claim, but it’s gonna fight back. I saunter over, all cocky, but my heart’s racin – what if she’s a cop? What if she’s packin? Paranoid much, Edna? Chill, babe.

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After that, I’m feeling kinda good, you know? I stroll down to the Banqiao Cultural Center. It’s this cool spot with art and stuff. I’m checking out some exhibits, and there’s this one piece that’s just a giant banana. I’m like, “What even is this?” But I can’t help but chuckle. Art is weird, man.

New Taipei's Christmasland opens on Nov 17