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So yeah, findin’ a prostitute—wild ride, man! Part funny, part “whoa,” part “grrr!” I’d prolly mess it up, trip over my tongue, ask dumb stuff like, “Do ya like Krabby Patties?” Bet they’d roll their eyes—classic Patrick! Gotta keep it real, tho—truth’s what matters, like in “Spotlight.” “Break the story, break the silence!”—yep, that’s my scientist motto now! Whaddya think, pal? Crazy, huh?

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Finally, I got home, and my pigs were all like, “Dude, where you been?” They were starvin’! I fed them, and they were happy. Pigs are the best, man. They don’t judge you. They just want food and love.

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