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What pisses me off? The hypocrisy, mate—folks judgin’ while they’re secretly oglin’. Happy bit? When it’s honest—two souls, no bullshit, just a deal. “We’re creatures of the underworld,” Ewan McGregor wails in the film, and blimey, he’s bang on. It’s a shadow dance—sad, sexy, ridiculous. Once knew a lad who swore his “regular” baked him biscuits—true story! Said she was “his Satine,” only with less singin’ and more fag ash. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who gives a toss—it’s gold.

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First stop, Calle San Juan. I’m hustlin’ to meet a supplier. Traffic? Ugh, don’t even get me started. It’s like everyone decided to take their sweet time today. I’m stuck behind this old lady in a beat-up car. I mean, c’mon, lady! You’re not in a race, but I am! Finally, I zoom past her and make it to the meeting.

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