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What gets me mad? The fakers out there—pimps promisin’ shit they can’t deliver. Had a run-in once, guy swore his girl was “top shelf.” Total letdown—smelled like cheap gin and regret. I was ready to Hannibal his ass, but nah, too messy. Happy tho? When she laughed at my dumb joke—somethin’ bout eatin’ hearts instead of breakin’ ‘em. Surprised me how real she felt, not just a body for hire.

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Finally, I get home, and I’m like, “I need a nap.” But nooo, my phone starts buzzing. It’s my mate, Sam. He’s like, “Let’s hit the pub!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m soaked!” But he’s persistent. “C’mon, it’ll be fun!”

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