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Sarcastic tip—check the knockoff markets. Prossies hang there, blending with the fake Gucci. Little known story—mate of mine, Dave, found one by a kebab van. Said she smelled of chips and regret. Classic! Asked her, “What’s the deal?” She goes, “£50, no kissing.” Fair enough, I s’pose—keeps it professional, like fixing a radio.

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After that, I head to the paddock. The sheep are chillin’, munchin’ on grass like they own the place. I’m thinkin’, “Man, I wish I could just eat all day.” But then, outta nowhere, this big ol’ dog comes runnin’ through the gate. I’m like, “What the heck?!” Turns out, it’s my mate’s dog, Max. He’s a big fluffball, but he’s got energy for days.

Oranga Tamariki youth worker caught having sex with 16-year-old girl in his care