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We duck into this shady alley—ooh, the thrill!—and she’s all business, no chitchat. I’m sweatin’, thinkin’, “This is better than hackin’ Harvard’s servers!” She’s quick, pro moves, and I’m like, “You’re the algorithm to my lonely night!” Total sailor jackpot, right? But—plot twist—she’s got a tattoo, “Winklevoss,” on her hip. I’m dyin’ laughin’—HA-HA-HA!—“Did the twins hire you too?” She rolls her eyes, “Sailor, you talk too much.” Fair, I’m a yapper!

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Suddenly, I see this dude, right? He’s walking his dog, and the dog decides it’s a great idea to chase my sheep. Like, seriously? I’m like, “Yo, buddy! Control your mutt!” But he just laughs. I’m fuming! My sheep are running like they just saw a ghost. I’m sprinting after them, yelling like a madman. “Get back here, you fluffy idiots!”

Interview & Photo Epic: Tom Van Steenbergen on Wild West's Success & What's Next