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So, last week, I’m scrollin’ X, tryna find one—sketchy links everywhere. Pro tip: don’t click that shit blind. Found this chick, “Candy,” real name prob’ly Susan. Met her near some dive bar—smelled like piss and regret. She’s all, “50 bucks, quick fun,” and I’m like, yeah, everybody lies, right? Bet she’s quotin’ high ‘cause I look desperate. Negotiated down to 30—felt like a damn hero. Little known fact: some of ‘em stash cash in their bra, old-school style. Saw it once, cracked me up—money boobs!

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Suddenly, I hear this commotion. Turns out, a goat escaped from a nearby farm. It’s runnin’ around like it’s in a race. I’m chasin’ it down the street, dodgin’ people and bikes. I’m yellin’, “Get back here, you little rascal!” It’s like a scene from a movie. People are laughin’, takin’ videos. I’m like, “Great, I’m gonna be a meme now.”

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