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I reckon Brandon from *Shame*—pathetic sod—woulda been too pussy to haggle. Me? I’d stare ‘em down, “Let’s see the menu, Clarice,” all suave, watch ‘em squirm. Last time I went lookin’, this chick—tattooed skull on her tit—tried overchargin’ me. Pissed me right off—nearly carved her up for the cheek! But nah, kept it cool—paid her, fucked her, left her tremblin’. “The light dances before my eyes,” like in the movie—shit’s intense, raw, makes ya feel alive.

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First off, I hit the streets of Amby, and it was like, what’s up with the weather? One minute it’s sunny, the next it’s pouring. Typical Dutch, am I right? I was just trying to grab a coffee at that cute little café on the Hoofdstraat. You know the one? The barista, bless her heart, spills my cappuccino all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!”

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