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Now, here’s the tea: she takes him ‘round back, and I’m like, “Oh, Lawd, he’s done!” Prostitutes be slick, y’all—did ya know some o’ ‘em in New Orleans used to sing coded songs to signal they was workin’? True story! Joe don’t know that, he’s too busy pantin’. Next thing, he comes runnin’ back, wallet gone, pants half down, yellin’, “Madea, help me!” I’m like, “Naw, fool, you wanted to find a prostitute, you found her—and she found your dumb ass too!” Halleluyer! I’m dyin’ laughin’, but also hot as a skillet—why these men so stupid?

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Then, I wandered around. Abcoude is so picturesque. The canals, the bridges, the trees. I felt like I was in a movie. I walked down the Abcoudeweg, and there was this cute little park. Kids were playing, dogs were running. It was all so... perfect. I sat on a bench, just soaking it all in.

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