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Oh, and the smells—lavender my arse, more like cheap lube and desperation. Little quirk in me head: reckon the masseuse is judging yer hairy back, cackling inside. Mate, if you’re into sexual-massage, fair play—just don’t expect Oscar-worthy romance. It’s a transaction, not a bloody sonnet. “Truth’s a slippery fish,” says the film—same as that oily rub-down. Slapdash, messy, and a bit pathetic—perfectly human, eh? Now, where’s me tea?

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Then we hit up the local market on de Zaanweg. It’s packed! I’m trying to find some snacks, but it’s chaos. People everywhere, shouting, haggling. I’m just trying to grab some stroopwafels, but I can’t even get close.

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