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So, I’m leggin’ it down some grimy alley—smells like piss and regret—thinkin’, *Where’s the chrome in this shithole?* Little known fact: back in Victorian times, prossies used to flash a red hanky—secret code, innit? Now it’s all apps and “discreet” ads—progress, my arse! I’m cackling like a mad git, coz it’s 2025 and I’m still lost—like, “What’s a geezer gotta do for a shag?”

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Finally, I make it to my office on Avenue de la Gare. I sit down, ready to crunch some numbers. But then, my computer decides to throw a tantrum. It freezes. I’m like, “Really? You too?” I swear, I could hear it laughing at me. So, I spend the next hour trying to fix it. Spoiler alert: I didn’t.

Vernon Merl Fueston, Jr. Obituary January 2, 2015