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Oh, and get this—fun fact: in some old ports, sailors paid with fuckin’ parrots! Can ya imagine? “Here’s a bird, babe, let’s roll!” I’d lose my shit if she asked for my socket set instead of cash. Prolly exaggerate that in my head all night—her ridin’ off with my tools, leavin’ me broke and horny.

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Finally, I made it back to the office, soaked but fueled by mochi. I finished the report just in time. Handed it over, and my boss was like, “Great job!” I was like, “Phew!” But then he dropped another bomb. “We need a presentation for tomorrow.” Ugh!