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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about whores, yeah, you heard me! Not just any whore, but the whole damn idea of it, tied up in this messed-up world. My fave movie, *12 Years a Slave*—damn, that film hits hard—got me thinkin bout power, pain, and sellin your soul. “I will survive, I will not fall into despair!”—that’s Solomon Northup screamin through the screen, and it’s the same vibe I get thinkin bout whores, y’know?

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Anyway, I’m sweating bullets, and my heart’s racing. I’m thinking, “This is it. I’m gonna bomb this.” But then, something magical happens. The audience is super chill. They’re nodding, smiling, and I’m like, “Wait, are they actually into this?” I start to relax, and I’m hitting my points. I even throw in a joke about how my research is like a bad relationship—lots of ups and downs, but you keep going back for more. They laugh! I’m on a roll!

Monumental Cache of Ancient Coins Discovered in Central Japan