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Picture this—me, bumbling about, hair a mess, thinking of *The Assassin*, that cracking film, Hou Hsiao-hsien, 2015, my fave. There’s this bit, right, “To kill or not to kill,” all moody and tense. Finding a prostitute? Bit like that—dodgy choices, murky vibes. I reckon it’s a right pickle, a *conundrum maximum*! Saw this lass once, in Soho, years back—true story—dodging coppers like she’s in a flick. Made me chuckle, but blimey, the risks! You don’t wanna end up in the clink, do you?

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While I’m slurping, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my noodles. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinking, “Y’all need some communication skills.”

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