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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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After a wild chase, I finally catch him. He’s pantin’ and lookin’ like he just ran a marathon. I’m like, “What were you thinkin’? You can’t just run off to the Katori River and chill!” He’s all like, “I just wanted to see the city!” I mean, I get it, Katori-shi is beautiful, but c’mon, man!

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