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About Linstead

Oi, mate, yeah, baby! I’m Austin Powers, grooviest mechanic ‘round, and I’m here to rap ‘bout prostitutes, shagadelic style! Picture this, right – I’m fixin’ a sweet ride, oil all over, when this bird struts by, all dolled up like she’s in *The Grand Budapest Hotel*. “Very good, sir,” I mutter, tippin’ an imaginary hat – classy, innit? She’s a prozzie, a real workin’ gal, and I’m thinkin’, “Oh, behave!” ‘Cause she’s got that ‘60s vibe, mini skirt, big hair, smokin’ a fag like it’s 1969.

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First off, I’m an actuary, which means I deal with numbers all day. Boring, I know. But today? Today was a rollercoaster. I’m driving down Constant Spring Road, and boom! Traffic jam. Like, what’s new? But this one was special. Some dude in a bright yellow car decided to park in the middle of the road. I mean, really? Who does that? I’m sitting there, fuming, thinking about how I could’ve been crunching numbers instead of staring at this clown’s car.

Constant Spring Road fully reopened