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So, mate, picture this—bloke’s all sweaty, trainin’ hard. Footy star, big ego, cash to burn. Wants a quick shag, no strings. Hits the streets, or apps—modern rubbish! Me, I’m watchin’, thinkin’— “What’s the target’s pattern?” He’s dodgin’ coaches, teammates, wife—ha! Slippery bugger. Little fact: back in ‘90s, some AFL lads got caught. Prossie sting, papers went wild—juicy scandal!

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When I finally get there, I see this massive rust problem. I mean, it’s like the metal was having a midlife crisis. I’m all geared up, ready to spray my anticorrosion magic, when this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You’re gonna save my building, right?” I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a superhero, but I’ll try!”

Gunfight in Italy, Albanian injured