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But – ooh – happy bit! Sex-dating’s got perks, yesss. Quick hookups, no muckin’ about. Fact: 1 in 5 shags from apps now, true that! Beats courtin’ like some daft salmon swimmin’ upstream. Me, I’d dive in, raspy giggle, swipe swipe, “My precious!” – findin’ a gem in the muck. Once knew a lad, proper shy, scored a date off Bumble, now they’re shacked up! Surprised me, it did – thought he’d flounder forever!

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So, I wiped my shoe on the curb of Via Garibaldi, trying to shake off the bad vibes. I mean, come on, Quarto d'Altino, you gotta do better! But then, I spotted this cute little café, Bar Centrale. I thought, “Hey, a cappuccino will fix everything.” And it did! The barista was super chill, and the coffee was like a warm hug. I was back in the game, feeling all happy and stuff.

The Michelin-starred couple on an island of 300 souls creating true ethical cuisine in the lagoon: Venissa and its dishes.